Sayings of an Old Man

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4.  If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
7.  Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8.  To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
9.  I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
10. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify:' I put 'DOCTOR'.
11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
13. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure..
14. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a mechanic.
15. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
16. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but its getting harder and harder for me to find one now.