Trick Shots

Budget Cuts

Read commentary at the end. DUE TO BUDGET CUTS, THIS IS YOUR NEW CUBICLE Effective March 14, 2011  NEW OFFICE POLICY Dress Code: 1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. 2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. 3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. 4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise. Sick Days: We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. Personal Days: Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.  Bereavement Leave: This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early. Bathroom Breaks: Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After yoursecond offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy. Lunch Break: * Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. * Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. * Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast. Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.  The Management Pass this on to all who are employed!

Get Ready For April Fool's Day

From the Steve Spangler Blog:

Water Gel, the Sugar Substitute
This prank is incredibly easy to pull off and the look on your victims’ faces are guaranteed to be priceless!

1. Start by emptying the sugar from it’s container. Be sure to put the sugar into another container so that it can be replaced later. The prank is bound to take a turn from funny to tragic if you waste all that sugar.
2. Once you have an empty sugar container, fill the container with Water Gel. Try to fill the container to the same level as the sugar you removed. The success of pranks is often in the details.
3. Replace the lid of the container (if it has one).
4. Sit back and watch as countless victims fall for your epic April Fool’s prank.

You are responsible for ensuring that your victim doesn’t actually drink the Water Gel. Make sure your prank is fun, and not dangerous.

March Madness

Children Are Quick

TEACHER:    Maria, go to the map and find North America   .. 

MARIA:         Here it  is. 
TEACHER:   Correct.  Now class, who discovered America ? 
CLASS:         Maria. 
____________________________________   
TEACHER:    John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? 
JOHN:          You told me to do it without using tables. 
__________________________________________ 
TEACHER:  Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' 
GLENN:      K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' 
TEACHER:  No, that's wrong 
GLENN:       Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.  
(I  Love this child) 
____________________________________________ 
TEACHER:   Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? 
DONALD:     H I J K L M N O. 
TEACHER:   What are you talking about? 
DONALD:    Yesterday you said it's H to O.  
__________________________________ 
TEACHER:   Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. 
WINNIE:       Me! 
__________________________________________  
TEACHER:   Glen, why do you always get so dirty? 
GLEN:          Well, I'm a  lot closer to the ground than you are.  
_______________________________________ 
TEACHER:     Millie, give me a sentence starting with '  I.  ' 
MILLIE:         I  is.. 
TEACHER:     No, Millie..... Always say, 'I  am.' 
MILLIE:         All right...  'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'       
________________________________ 
TEACHER:    George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.  Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him? 
LOUIS:           Because George still had  the axe in his hand...     
______________________________________  
TEACHER:    Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? 
SIMON:         No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.  
______________________________ 
TEACHER:       Clyde , your  composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.  Did you copy his?
CLYDE  :         No, sir. It's the same dog.     
 
(I want to adopt this kid!!!) 
___________________________________ 
TEACHER:    Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? 
HAROLD:     A teacher 

Credit Card Code

Some Lucky People

Remembering A Giant

During your career, you'll often meet up with someone who is larger than life. Bob Herdman was one of those folks. He had already moved on to corporate when I came to work, but every supervisor was being compared to him because every one in the mill believed they had a personal relationship with Bob.

Bob could remember  names and information about  families (a trait I wish I had). He  met my family at a company picnic when my youngest was a baby (one of three). Five years later, when he met them again, he remembered their names and ages - And of course, had a few kind things to say. In two meetings, lasting no more that 5 minutes, over a five year period, Bob became a personal family friend.

Bob always had a calming voice. One story I heard (don't know if it is true) was that a disgruntled (and confused) employee marched in to his office one day and pulled a gun. Bob calmly stood up, explained why the employee was going to put the gun away and not hurt anybody - and that is exactly what happened. I have no reason to doubt the story because I believe Bob had that kind of influence.

Bob passed away last week and a memorial service to remember his life will be on Friday. I suspect a lot of folks have been remembering Bob Herdman stories this week. Don Worthington with the Rock Hill Herald has a very good article on Bob in the March 24, 2011 edition.

How To Irritate People

A Lesson on Spaghetti Sauce

A Game of Hope

Always A Little Bad With The Good

We Don't Know What We Don't Know

The Story of Bottled Water

Why Renewables Are Not Enough

Surprising Income Growth Rates

So You Thought You Knew About Weather?

Best/Worst Weather Cities - very interesting Even if you're not a "Weather Nut" you should find this interesting! Top 10 cities with Least weather variety Based on temperature variation, precipitation, wind, severe weather 1.   San Francisco,  California 2.   San Diego  ,  California 3.   Los Angeles  ,  California 4.   Santa Barbara  ,  California 5.   Eureka  ,  California 6.   Long Beach  ,  California 7.   Honolulu  ,  Hawaii 8.   Santa Maria  ,  California 9.   San Luis Obispo  ,  California 10.   Kahului  ,  Hawaii   Top 10 hail prone cities Based on frequency and severity of hail 1.   Tulsa  ,  Oklahoma 2.   Amarillo  ,  Texas 3.   Oklahoma City  ,  Oklahoma 4.   Wichita  ,  Kansas 5. Dallas/Fort Worth,  Texas 6.   Arlington  ,  Texas 7.   Denver  ,  Colorado 8.   Colorado Springs  ,  Colorado 9.   Shreveport  ,  Louisiana 10.   Kansas City  ,  Missouri  /  Kansas   Top 10 Tropical storm / Hurricane prone cities  Average # of years with no storm.  Totals based on data from 1871- 2007, hitting within 60 miles of the city 1.   Cape Hatteras,  North Carolina 2.49 2.   Delray Beach  ,  Florida 2.54 3.   Hollywood  ,  Florida 2.58 4.   Deerfield Beach  ,  Florida 2.58 5.   Boca Raton  ,  Florida 2.58 6.  Florida City ,  Florida 2.63 7.. Grand Isle,  Louisiana 2.63 8.  Ft. Pierce ,  Florida 2.69 9.  Miami ,  Florida 2.69 10.  Ft. Lauderdale ,  Florida 2.69   Top 10 Tornado  states Avg number of tornadoes per 10,000 square Miles, occurring from 1953-2004 1.  Florida 9.4 2.  Oklahoma 8.2 3.  Kansas 6.7 4.  Iowa 6.6 5.  Illinois 6.2 6.  Indiana 6.1 7.  Mississippi 5.7 8.  Maryland 5.7 9.  Louisiana 5.6 10.  Texas 5.2   Top 10 Thunderstorm Cities  Avg annual number of thunderstorms 1.  Fort Myers ,  Florida 89 2.  Tampa ,  Florida 87 3.  Tallahassee,  Florida 83 4.  Gainesville ,  Florida 81 5.  Orlando ,  Florida 80 6.  Mobile ,  Alabama 79 7.  W. Palm Beach ,  Florida 79 8.  Lake Charles ,  Louisiana 76 9.  Daytona Beach ,  Florida 75 10.  Vero Beach ,  Florida 75 Top 10 Tornado prone cities Ranked by tornadoes per 1,000 miles 1.  Oklahoma City ,  Oklahoma 2.  Tulsa ,  Oklahoma 3.  Dallas  -  Ft. Worth ,  Texas 4.  Wichita ,  Kansas 5.  Springfield ,  Missouri 6.  Kansas City ,  Kansas / Missouri 7.  Ft. Smith ,  Arkansas 8.  Little Rock ,  Arkansas 9.  Jackson ,  Mississippi 10.  Birmingham ,  Alabama Top 10 Earthquake prone states # of earthquakes in the last 30 years Centered in the state 1.  Alaska 2.  California 3.  Hawaii 4..  Nevada 5.  Washington 6.  Idaho 7.  Wyoming 8.  Montana 9.  Utah 10.  Oregon 10 all-time hottest Temperatures Obtained from state temperature Records, NCDC 1.  Death Valley ,  California 134 2.  Lake Havasu ,  Arizona 128 3.  Laughlin ,  Nevada 125 4.  Lakewood ,  New Mexico 122 5.  Alton ,  Kansas 121 6.  Steele ,  North Dakota 121 7.  Ozark ,  Arkansas 120 8.  Tipton ,  Oklahoma 120 9.  Seymour ,  Texas 120 10. Usta,  South Dakota 120 10 all-time coldest Temperatures  Obtained from state temperature Records, NCDC 1.  Prospect Creek ,  Alaska -80 2.  Rogers   Pass ,  Montana -70 3.. Peters Sink,  Utah -69 4.  Riverside ,  Wyoming -66 5.  Maybell ,  Colorado -61 6. Tower,  Minnesota -60 7.  Parshall ,  North Dakota -60 8.  Island   Park  Dam,  Idaho -60 9.  McIntosh ,  South Dakota -58 10.  Couderay ,  Wisconsin -55 10 hottest cities Average annual temperature, F 1.  Key West ,  Florida 77.7 2.  Miami ,  Florida 75.6 3.  W Palm Beach ,  Florida 74.6 4.  Ft. Myers ,  Florida 73.9 5.  Yuma ,  Florida 73.9 6.  Brownsville ,  Texas 73.6 7.  Orlando ,  Florida 72.4 8.  Vero Beach ,  Florida 72.4 9.  Corpus Christi ,  Texas 72.1 10.  Tampa ,  Florida 72.0 10 coldest cities Average annual temperature, F 1.  International Falls ,   Minnesota 36.4 2.  Duluth ,   Minnesota 38.2 3.  Caribou ,   Maine 38.9 4.  Marquette ,   Michigan 39.2 5. Sault   Ste Marie ,   Michigan 39.7 6.  Fargo ,   North Dakota 40.5 7.  Williston ,   North Dakota 40.8 8.  Alamosa ,   Colorado 41.2 9.  Bismarck ,   North Dakota 41.3 10.  St. Cloud ,   Minnesota 41.4 10 driest cities Avg annual precipitation in inches 1.  Yuma ,   Arizona 2.65 2.  Las Vegas ,   Nevada 4.19 3.  Bishop ,   California 5.61 4.  Bakersfield ,   California 5.72 5.  Phoenix ,   Arizona 7.11 6.  Alamosa ,   Colorado 7.13 7.  Reno ,   California 7.49 8.  Winslow ,   Arizona 7.64 9.  El Paso ,   Texas 7.82 10.  Winnemucca ,   Nevada 7.82 10 wettest cities  Avg annual precipitation in inches 1.  Hilo ,   Hawaii 128.00 2.  Quillayute ,   Washington 104.50 3.  Astoria ,   Oregon 69.60 4.  Blue Canyon ,   California 67.87 5.  Mobile ,   Alabama 64.64 6.  Tallahassee ,   Florida 64.59 7.  Pensacola ,   Florida 61.16 8.  New Orleans ,   Louisiana 59.74 9.  W Palm Beach ,   Florida 59.72 10.  Miami ,   Florida 59.55 10 snowiest cities Avg annual precipitation in inches 1.  Blue Canyon ,   California 240.8 2.  Marquette ,   Michigan 128.6 3. Sault   Ste Marie ,   Michigan 116.7 4.  Syracuse ,   New York 111.6 5.  Caribou ,   Maine 110.4 6.  Mount Shasta ,   California 104.9 7. Lander,   Wyoming 102.5 8.  Flagstaff ,   Arizona 99.9 9. Sexton   Summit ,   Oregon 97.8 10.  Muskegon ,   Michigan 97.0 10 windiest cities Avg annual wind speed in mph 1. Blue Hill Observatory, Massachusetts 15.4 2.  Dodge City ,   Kansas 14.0 3.  Amarillo ,   Texas 13.5 4.  Rochester ,   Minnesota 13.1 5.  Casper ,   Wyoming 12.9 6.  Cheyenne ,   Wyoming 12.9 7.  Great Falls ,   Montana 12.7 8.  Goodland ,   Kansas 12.6 9.  Boston ,   Massachusetts 12.5 10.  Lubbock ,   Texas 12.4 10 sunniest cities Annual percent of possible sunshine 1.  Yuma ,   Arizona 90% 2.  Las Vegas ,   Nevada 85% 3.  Phoenix ,   Arizona 85% 4.  Tucson ,   Arizona 85% 5.  El Paso ,   Texas 83% 6.  Flagstaff ,   Arizona 79% 7.  Fresno ,   California 79% 8.  Reno ,   Nevada 79% 9.  Sacramento ,   California 78% 10.  Albuquerque ,   N.M. 76% 10 cloudiest cities Avg number of cloudy days per year 1.  Astoria ,   Oregon 240 2.  Quillayute ,   Washington 240 3.  Olympia ,   Washington 229 4.  Seattle ,   Washington 227 5.  Portland ,   Oregon 223 6.  Kalispell ,   Montana 213 7.  Binghamton ,   New York 212 8.  Beckley ,   West Virginia 211 9.  Elkins ,   West Virginia 211 10.  Eugene ,   Oregon 209 10 most humid cities Avg relative humidity in % 1.  Quillayute ,   Washington 83.0 2.  Olympia ,   Washington 78.0 3.  Port Arthur ,   Texas 77.5 4.  Lake Charles ,   Louisiana 77.0 5.  Apalachicola ,   Florida 76.5 6.  Gainesville ,   Florida 76.5 7.  Corpus Christi ,   Texas 76.0 8.  Eugene ,   Oregon 75.5 9.  New Orleans ,   Louisiana 75.5 10.  Houston ,   Texas 75.0 10 least humid cities Avg relative humidity in % 1.  Las Vegas ,   Nevada 30.5 2.  Phoenix ,   Arizona 37.0 3.  Yuma ,   Arizona 38.0 4.  Tucson ,   Arizona 39.0 5.  El Paso ,   Texas 42.5 6.  Albuquerque ,   New Mexico 44.5 7.  Winslow ,   Arizona 46.0 8.  Grand Junction ,   Colorado 48.0 9.  Winnemucca ,   Nevada 48.5 10.  Reno ,   Nevada 50.5 10 rainiest cities Number of days per year with rain 1.  Hilo ,   Hawaii 277 2.  Quillayute ,   Washington 210 3.  Astoria ,   Oregon 191 4.  Elkins ,   West Virginia 171 5.  Syracuse ,  New York 171 6.  Buffalo ,  New York 169 7.  Marquette ,  Michigan 168 8. Sault  Ste Marie ,  Michigan 166 9.  Erie ,  Pennsylvania 165 10.  Binghamton ,  New York 162 10 least rainy cities Number of days per year with rain 1.  Yuma ,  Arizona 17 2.  Las Vegas ,  Nevada 26 3.  Bishop ,  California 29 4.  Santa Barbara ,  California 30 5.  Long Beach ,  California 32 6.  Los Angeles ,  California 35 7.  Great Falls ,  Montana 35 8.  Phoenix ,  Arizona 36 9.  Bakersfield ,  California 37 10.  San Diego ,  California 42                                                                          Largest annual temperature variation Change in average temperature between summer and winter 1. Fairbanks, Alaska 90.8 2. Bettles, Alaska 90.0 3. International Falls, MN 88.8 4. Fargo, North Dakota 87 5. Williston, North Dakota 86.6 6. Aberdeen, South Dakota 86.5 7. McGrath, Alaska 86.2 8. Bismarck, North Dakota 86.1 9. Alamosa, Colorado 85.9 10. St. Cloud, Minnesota 85 10 most uncomfortable cities Average combination of summer heat and humidity 1. Phoenix, Arizona 2. Corpus Christi, Texas 3. San Antonio, Texas 4. Dallas, Texas 5. West Palm Beach, Florida 6. Miami, Florida 7. Waco, Texas 8.. Houston, Texas 9. Montgomery, Alabama 10. New Orleans, Louisiana                         Top 10 clean air cities  Based on long-term particle pollution 1. Cheyenne, Wyoming 2.  Santa Fe ,  New Mexico 3.  Honolulu ,  Hawaii 4.  Great Falls ,  Montana 5.  Tucson ,  Arizona 6.  Anchorage ,  Alaska 7.  Farmington ,  New Mexico 8.  Bismarck ,  North Dakota 9.  Albuquerque ,  New Mexico 10.  Rapid City ,  South Dakota Top 10 dirty air cities  Based on long-term particle pollution 1.  Los Angeles ,  California 2.  Bakersfield ,  California 3.  Pittsburgh ,  Pennsylvania 4.  Visalia ,  California 5.  Fresno ,  California 6.  Detroit ,  Michigan 7.  Hanford ,  California 8.  Cleveland ,  Ohio 9.  Atlanta ,  Georgia 10.  Chicago ,  Illinois Best cities for allergies  Based on pollen counts from 1999-2002 1. Grand Rapids, Michigan 2. Milwaukee, Wisconsin 3. Seattle, Washington 4. San Francisco, California 5. Minneapolis, Minnesota 6. Chicago, Illinois 7. Syracuse, New York 8. Salt Lake City, Utah 9. Los Angeles, California 10. Denver, Colorado Worst cities for allergies  Based on pollen counts from 1999-20002 1. Kansas City, Mo/Ks 2. Louisville, Kentucky 3. Tampa/St. Pete, Florida 4. Tulsa, Oklahoma 5. Atlanta, Georgia 6. Austin, Texas 7. St. Louis, Missouri 8. Sacramento, California 9. Orlando, Florida 10. Indianapolis, Indiana