What The Trooper Might Say

These  are reported comments made by South Carolina Troopers

that were taken off their car videos:

1. "You know, stop lights  don't come any redder than the one you just went through." 

2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new.  They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

3. "If you  take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."    

4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

5. "Can you run faster  than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the  bullet  that'll be chasing you."  

6. "You don't know how  fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I  want to on the ticket, huh?"

7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I  mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll  give you another ticket."

9. "The answer to this last  question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey  Mouse a cat or a dog?"

10. "Fair? You want me to be fair?  Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton  candy and corn dogs and step in cow poop."

11. "Yeah,  we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

12. "In God we trust; all others we run through  NCIC." ( National Crime Information Center )

13. "Just  how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"

14. "No sir,  we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

15 "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you  know someone who can post your bail."

AND THE WINNER IS:

16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets?

You're right, we don't. Sign  here."