From the Future of Education blog:
FUNNY DEFINITIONS
Beauty Parlor: A place where women curl up and dye
Cannibal: Someone who is fed up with people
Dust: Mud with the juice squeezed out
Egotist: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation
Gossip: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage
Handkerchief: Cold storage
Inflation: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper
Raisin: Grape with a sunburn
Tomorrow: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today
Mosquito: An insect that makes you like flies better
Yawn: An honest opinion openly expressed
Secret: Something you tell to one person at a time
Atom Bomb: An invention made to end all inventions.
Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool on the other.
Classic: A book which people praises, but do not read.
College: A place where some pursue learning and others learn pursuing.
Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.
Criminal: A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.
Dictionary: A place where divorce comes before marriage.
Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually looks forward to the trip.
Divorce: Future tense of marriage.
Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
Ecstasy: A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
Father: A banker provided by nature.
Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either".
Love affairs: Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five-day test.
Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and woman gains her master.
Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Optimist: A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."
Opportunist: A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
Pessimist: A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.
Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine waterpower.
Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
One day, a girl, 16yrs old, heard from her mother that if she does a regular prayer for 4 yrs, a divine "Angel" would come to her in her dreams & give her 3 boons. So she decided to do it. She completed 4 years successfully, doing prayer regularly.
Now it was a day for "Angel" to come. So she slept earlier with thoughts in her mind to ask. And, really an "Angel" comes in her dreams. Now this is the dialogue between them.
Angel: O Girl, you prayed to me regularly within last 4 yrs, so I am very very happy with you. I will complete any of your 3 wishes. You can ask anything you like, but there is one condition.
Girl: Condition!, what is that?
Angel: You have a boy-friend?
Now, girls please stop reading … boys scroll down…
******
The following day the teacher asked for the first volunteer to tell their story. Little Sophie raised her hand. "My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road." When the teacher asked for the moral of the story, Sophie replied, "Don’t keep all your eggs in one basket." Rafaella went next. "My dad owns a farm too. Every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only 8 of the 12 eggs hatched." Again, the teacher asked for the moral of the story. Rafaella replied, "Don’t count your chickens before they hatch."
Next up was Little Jenny. "My uncle Tom fought in the Afghan war, and his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed, but could only take a case of beer, a machine gun, and a machete. On the way down he drank the case of beer. Then he landed right in the middle of 100 Taliban. He shot 70 with his machine gun, but then he ran out of bullets! So he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. Then the blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands."
The teacher looked a little shocked. After clearing her throat, she asked what possible moral there could be to this story. "Well," Jenny replied, "Don’t screw with uncle Tom when he’s been drinking."
Here is a list of the ways most of the teachers worldwide grade their students in the final exams.
Dept Of Statistics: All grades are plotted along the normal bell curve.
Dept Of Psychology: Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them and turn them in. The professor opens the books and assigns the first grade that comes to mind.
Dept Of History: All students get the same grade they got last year.
Dept Of Religion: Grade is determined by God.
Dept Of Philosophy: What is a grade?
Law School: Students are asked to defend their position of why they should receive an A.
Dept Of Mathematics: Grades are variable.
Dept Of Logic: If and only if the student is present for the final and the student has accumulated a passing grade then the student will receive an A else the student will not receive an A.
Dept Of Computer Science: Random number generator determines grade.
Music Department: Each student must figure out his grade by listening to the instructor play the corresponding note (+ and - would be sharp and flat respectively).
Dept Of Physical Education: Everybody gets an A.
FUNNY DEFINITIONS
Beauty Parlor: A place where women curl up and dye
Cannibal: Someone who is fed up with people
Dust: Mud with the juice squeezed out
Egotist: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation
Gossip: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage
Handkerchief: Cold storage
Inflation: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper
Raisin: Grape with a sunburn
Tomorrow: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today
Mosquito: An insect that makes you like flies better
Yawn: An honest opinion openly expressed
Secret: Something you tell to one person at a time
Definitions of Some Common Words
Atom Bomb: An invention made to end all inventions.
Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool on the other.
Classic: A book which people praises, but do not read.
College: A place where some pursue learning and others learn pursuing.
Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.
Criminal: A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.
Dictionary: A place where divorce comes before marriage.
Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually looks forward to the trip.
Divorce: Future tense of marriage.
Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
Ecstasy: A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
Father: A banker provided by nature.
Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either".
Love affairs: Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five-day test.
Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and woman gains her master.
Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Optimist: A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."
Opportunist: A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
Pessimist: A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.
Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine waterpower.
Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Beware of Girls
One day, a girl, 16yrs old, heard from her mother that if she does a regular prayer for 4 yrs, a divine "Angel" would come to her in her dreams & give her 3 boons. So she decided to do it. She completed 4 years successfully, doing prayer regularly.
Now it was a day for "Angel" to come. So she slept earlier with thoughts in her mind to ask. And, really an "Angel" comes in her dreams. Now this is the dialogue between them.
Angel: O Girl, you prayed to me regularly within last 4 yrs, so I am very very happy with you. I will complete any of your 3 wishes. You can ask anything you like, but there is one condition.
Girl: Condition!, what is that?
Angel: You have a boy-friend?
Girl: Yes.
Angel: When you were doing a prayer, he was waiting for you, so he also sacrificed same as you. Moreover, he didn’t know anything about boon and all, so he is also eligible for the boons. So whatever you will ask, he will get 10 times more than that of you. If you are agreed, then proceed for the 1st boon.
Girl: (After thinking for some time …): Yes, I am ready.
Girl: 1st, make me 10 times richer than the richest person in the world.
Angel: But your boy-friend will be 10 times richer than you.
Angel: When you were doing a prayer, he was waiting for you, so he also sacrificed same as you. Moreover, he didn’t know anything about boon and all, so he is also eligible for the boons. So whatever you will ask, he will get 10 times more than that of you. If you are agreed, then proceed for the 1st boon.
Girl: (After thinking for some time …): Yes, I am ready.
Girl: 1st, make me 10 times richer than the richest person in the world.
Angel: But your boy-friend will be 10 times richer than you.
Girl: It’s OK.
Angel: Be as you wish!
Girl: 2nd, Make me 10 times more beautiful than the most beautiful girl in the world.
Angel: But your boy-friend will be 10 times handsome than the most handsome boy in the world.
Girl: It’s OK.
Angel: Be as you wish.
Angel: Be as you wish!
Girl: 2nd, Make me 10 times more beautiful than the most beautiful girl in the world.
Angel: But your boy-friend will be 10 times handsome than the most handsome boy in the world.
Girl: It’s OK.
Angel: Be as you wish.
Angel: Now the last boon remains.
Girl: O Angel, please give me a MILD HEART-ATTACK.
Angel: What? Are you sure!
Girl: O Angel, please give me a MILD HEART-ATTACK.
Angel: What? Are you sure!
Girl: Yes. Very sure! Angel: Be as you wish.
Think friends, what happened to her boy-friend, he got a severe heart-attack & died at once, while the girl remained alive. Thus, the girl became the world’s most beautiful girl and the richest one, too.
Moral of the story: So intelligent the girls are! Girls are really more intelligent than we believe about them to be. So be careful boys!
Think friends, what happened to her boy-friend, he got a severe heart-attack & died at once, while the girl remained alive. Thus, the girl became the world’s most beautiful girl and the richest one, too.
Moral of the story: So intelligent the girls are! Girls are really more intelligent than we believe about them to be. So be careful boys!
Now, girls please stop reading … boys scroll down…
******
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Dear boys, don't worry, actually what happened is something different than what you all think! Actually, the girl’s boy-friend got a heart-attack, 10 TIMES MILDER than that of the girl. So the boy-friend lived longer than the girl, being world’s richest and the most handsome boy.
Moral of the story: Dear boys, the girls are not really that much intelligent than what we believe them to be. So don't worry if you think that you have girl-friend, intelligent than you.
Hey….I told u girls not to read…
Dear boys, don't worry, actually what happened is something different than what you all think! Actually, the girl’s boy-friend got a heart-attack, 10 TIMES MILDER than that of the girl. So the boy-friend lived longer than the girl, being world’s richest and the most handsome boy.
Moral of the story: Dear boys, the girls are not really that much intelligent than what we believe them to be. So don't worry if you think that you have girl-friend, intelligent than you.
Hey….I told u girls not to read…
********
Just for fun with truth…
One day at the end of class Little Jenny's teacher asked the students to go home and think of a story, to be concluded with the moral of that story.Just for fun with truth…
The following day the teacher asked for the first volunteer to tell their story. Little Sophie raised her hand. "My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road." When the teacher asked for the moral of the story, Sophie replied, "Don’t keep all your eggs in one basket." Rafaella went next. "My dad owns a farm too. Every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only 8 of the 12 eggs hatched." Again, the teacher asked for the moral of the story. Rafaella replied, "Don’t count your chickens before they hatch."
Next up was Little Jenny. "My uncle Tom fought in the Afghan war, and his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed, but could only take a case of beer, a machine gun, and a machete. On the way down he drank the case of beer. Then he landed right in the middle of 100 Taliban. He shot 70 with his machine gun, but then he ran out of bullets! So he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. Then the blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands."
The teacher looked a little shocked. After clearing her throat, she asked what possible moral there could be to this story. "Well," Jenny replied, "Don’t screw with uncle Tom when he’s been drinking."
Here is a list of the ways most of the teachers worldwide grade their students in the final exams.
Dept Of Statistics: All grades are plotted along the normal bell curve.
Dept Of Psychology: Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them and turn them in. The professor opens the books and assigns the first grade that comes to mind.
Dept Of History: All students get the same grade they got last year.
Dept Of Religion: Grade is determined by God.
Dept Of Philosophy: What is a grade?
Law School: Students are asked to defend their position of why they should receive an A.
Dept Of Mathematics: Grades are variable.
Dept Of Logic: If and only if the student is present for the final and the student has accumulated a passing grade then the student will receive an A else the student will not receive an A.
Dept Of Computer Science: Random number generator determines grade.
Music Department: Each student must figure out his grade by listening to the instructor play the corresponding note (+ and - would be sharp and flat respectively).
Dept Of Physical Education: Everybody gets an A.
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